Anger

I made a big mistake. I did not tend to my anger …and it has come back to bite me. Hard. I was so terrified of having Postpartum Depression that I chose not to camp out on anger. I was thinking (in my jumbled up grief, postpartum brain) that if I wasn’t angry, maybe I…

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Miracles

Miracles are a difficult thing for me to talk about these days. I believe in miracles. I watched miracles happen when my kids were born and when I gave birth to someone else’s baby. I see people talking about praying for a miracle. I see people saying that their prayers are working so keep praying…

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Trying to get through

The holidays. I’ve always enjoyed the holidays. I’ve never gone over the top with any of it but it has always been enjoyable. Now that our son us died, I am not enjoying myself one bit. I am not going out of my way to go see Christmas lights, I’m really avoiding the stores and…

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If you need anything, just give me a call

I realize people mean well when they say this and I truly believe most people would help if you called them In reality, I’m not going to call you and ask for help. There are days I can barely get through the basic life tasks and thinking of who offered to help at some point…

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Parenting while grieving

11/1/2019 Having my child die was something that never crossed my mind as a real possibility. When my first born was brand new, you stare into their eyes and express your undying love for them and you think, “I don’t know what I would do with myself if you died” but if you are like…

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People move on after a month

10/3/19 When our son died, we were inundated with support and I will always be beyond thankful. We had people cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping and anything we could imagine. We didn’t want to do anything and I truly don’t know how we could have. We were in so much shock and denial and…

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My experience with grief *written 2 months after my loss

I was in total shock and denial for at least the first 6 weeks. I thought for sure that I would see him come down the hallway and say good morning mom. I shook my head in disbelief so much I’m surprised my head didn’t swivel off of my neck. I did not leave the…

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The worst 6 days of my life Pt. 3

This is the part of the story when things started changing very rapidly. It was Friday and it was my night to stay at the hospital. My mom was there with me and everyone else had left so we started to get settled in the waiting room. There was just no way to sleep in…

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