Early on, in my grief journey, someone told me about “Loose Boards.” When you are in the store, and a song comes on that you weren’t expecting, that’s a loose board. When you are at a place that you had gone with your loved one and the memory comes flying back, that is a loose…
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I’ve Had The Rug Pulled Out From Underneath Me
I was cruising along, having good days and bad, and then……. Coronavirus. I found some things that were helping me get through my days and then forced isolation changed everything. I could no longer do the things that were helping me. I was forced to deal with the feelings that I hadn’t completely delved into.…
Read MoreAnger
I made a big mistake. I did not tend to my anger …and it has come back to bite me. Hard. I was so terrified of having Postpartum Depression that I chose not to camp out on anger. I was thinking (in my jumbled up grief, postpartum brain) that if I wasn’t angry, maybe I…
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Avoiding Pain
While I am so thankful for my community and their willingness to always step in while I’m struggling, the pain of losing a child can not be fixed. I have been extremely busy since Jackson died (some by my choice and some not.) Having a very active 4 year old has forced me to get…
Read MoreSocial Isolation While Grieving
I know I’m not the only one experiencing anxiety related to current affairs in the world, but I would imagine that my reasons are a little different than the average persons. I am a self-proclaimed control freak. It’s probably why I don’t like to drink or do drugs because I am not in control. Losing…
Read MoreNeeding Security and Reassurance
We Are A Handful
Miracles
Miracles are a difficult thing for me to talk about these days. I believe in miracles. I watched miracles happen when my kids were born and when I gave birth to someone else’s baby. I see people talking about praying for a miracle. I see people saying that their prayers are working so keep praying…
Read MoreIntensity and anticipation
Recently, I have been very reflective about my grief journey. Thus far, it sometimes surprises me just how intensely I feel everything. If I get angry about something, I get very angry. When I find joy, it is intense joy. When there is am injustice, I want to right it, if at all possible. I’ve…
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Carrie Schmitt 